well that just happened

Sergio Sax Man

Play that tune

This story should serve as a reminder to always do your homework on your date, especially if it’s an online date. There seem to be two schools of thought on the issue of meeting someone from an online dating website. The first is going into it “blind” meaning message back and forth a few times and boom right into the date. The second is to gather as much information as possible, exchange numbers and talk on the phone, become Facebook friends and look through their pictures. Most of you will just look at their profile pictures and that’s a rookie move, we all know girls put their best pictures as their profile pictures. You got to go through the albums and study the girl in her natural habitat and yes this means subjecting yourself to the occasional “OMG I HEART SUMMER” album. I went into this date as a pupil of the first school of thought and paid the price dearly. Now the guys reading this will probably relate to me and feel my pain, the girls will probably empathize with the girl, it’s cool, but just remember girls I did give her one more than the usually allotted three strikes…

Text Freaky B-Side

This takes place in college, my sophomore year. I’m at a block party at JMU and make eye contact with a cute girl. I have plenty of liquid courage at this point and approach the girl. We make small talk and flirt some, she’s super nice, somewhat shy but in a cute way and pretty easy on the eyes which is not out of the ordinary if you have ever been to JMU you know what I mean.

Video

The Real Housewives of South Boston

“I got the best snacks”

Text The Bed Wetter

Its college, excessive drinking, sometimes toilets are missed, it happens. I’m at an apartment party, my senior year of college, 2 kegs of natural light tapped at all times with a female to male ratio of 2 to 1. It is just another night in heaven, also known as James Madison University. I probably took a few too many adult sodas to the face that night but I see a friend of a friend at the party. I make sexy eyes at the cute blonde. She is very outgoing, dimples that would make AC Slater jealous, great blue eyes and looks phenomenal in a pair of jeans. We talk for the majority of the evening and in honesty I can’t remember much of the conversation except a long conversation about our dislike of the look of ugg boots with skirts on girls. Our mutual friends which happened to be this girl’s roommates decided to throw an afterparty at their place to keep the good times going. It was one of those nights that went pretty late and being the lovely host this girl was she offered to allow me to stay in her bed. I mean what is a guy to do?

Text The Cougar

Met her at a Halloween party, I was dressed as a pirate (it was a pool party seemed appropriate) and she was dressed as the not so original sexy black cat not that I was complaining. We chat it up and hit it off pretty well. I’m pretty impressed with how smooth I’m playing it. The end of the night comes and I walk outside to wait for her cab with her. Makeout in the street ensues. I’m left a little dazed and confused by her exceptional makeout skills but somehow pull it together to get her number. I put her in the cab and I turn to join my friends back in the party, pretty pleased with how the night turned out. Cab pulls up beside me and she asks if I’m coming or what. Is this Christmas or Halloween?

Text Crazy Train

Another online dating story gem. This girl messages me and I have a weakness/respect for a girl that takes the bull by the horns. Flirty and fun messaging ensues. Followed by a marathon phone chat , which was only cut short by the fact that my right ear was getting hot and I can’t go to the left ear on the phone. I end up making a not so abnormal ridiculous comment about how “I’d rock her world” which was said in an in a joking way but with, in all honestly, some playful sexual undertones. She becomes concerned that all I’m looking for is a booty call. This makes it tricky from the start because the seed has been planted. I counter with while sex is an important aspect to any adult relationship I was looking for something more and meaningful than a great smush. I tell her I’m looking for a facebook official type thing at this point in my life. Issue resolved or so I thought….

Text The Porn Star

She’s not really a porn star but just had that look about her. I messaged her using my online dating website of choice and apparently she found my message of humor, wit, and some charm sprinkled in there endearing and writes me back. Game on. We decide to meet for coffee and I successfully get lost on my way to the Starbucks. That’s what I get for blindly following my GPS. I finally find my way there and she is sitting at studying something that is well above my 5^th grade reading level. She’s got long blonde hair, lips that you just know will automatically put her in my top 3 make-outs of all time with minimal skill and effort on her part, some definite junk in the trunk and boobs that just you just want to place your head on and take a nap. She’s got the pencil in the hair and the sexy librarian glasses on yup pretty sure I just went six to midnight.

Text The T F’er

My first ever date from an online dating website. You can smell it in the air, so much potential, so much excitement, so many nerves. You’d think I’d never have had gone out with a girl before. I meet this girl and can’t but help thinking to myself I found a girl to bring home to the parents (great on paper) She’s a cute girl, long dark hair, nice butt, great t’s, complete ball buster, intense love for sports even for a girl in Boston. I thought I had hit a home run. I’m going to need to cancel my other dates for the week is the thought in my head. If only I had known what would transpire in the next few hours I would have pumped the brakes on all that talk.