fatherhood

So let me preface this post with the fact that this will probably not be funny, and there are no fun pictures here. It is also a little long. Let me also start by saying everything is OK.

It’s crazy how you can wake up one day and it seem so normal. Wednesday was one of those days. Woke up early to have a phone call with my peer coach in Philly at 7:30a, then another call with my special project group, run by the Alum Rock district offices to pick something up, talk to my Regional Director about my frustration with our data systems, talk about recruiting, hold an interview with a candidate, and then take off for Missy and I’s centering appointment. All in all, it was a good day, filled with productive conversations and getting things done.

Missy and I really enjoy our centering class at Kaiser, it’s informative and the other people are pretty cool and sociable. After that, we headed over to San Pedro square to have dinner with a few friends we don’t get to see often. Finally around 9, I could see Missy was getting tired, and she had said she wasn’t feeling well, so we made a quick exit to head for home.

When we got home, I was going to put the finishing touches on my latest blog post (which as you can see, never went up) and then head to bed. Missy had said her stomach was achy, but she couldn’t tell if it was gas or something else. So, I suggested she kick back a glass of water and lay down to check for contractions (this is nightly homework she had to start doing at 24 weeks every night anyway). After a few minutes, nothing, but she did have to pee for like the 50th time that day, so she did.

I’ll save the details, but she called me over to check something out, and it wasn’t normal. Luckily, since twins are considered high risk, she can call her nurse 24/7 and ask them anything she needs. So, she called them up and explained that her stomach had been achy and what had happened a few minutes early. The nurse seemed calm, but we could tell she was also sensing something was wrong.

She put us on hold. It was like 30 seconds, but it seemed like forever given the tone of her voice prior.

Nurse: So, I think you should go to labor and delivery right now. I called them, they know you are coming.

Missy: Are you sure I’m not just being paranoid?

Nurse: Uh, better safe than sorry, please go now, they are expecting you.

At this point, Missy is a little jarred, but I am one who likes to assess the situation before we freak out, so I didn’t think much of it.

So, we grab the basics…purse, jacket, wallet, key, both cell phones, although Missy’s was almost dead, but we were only going to be there a couple hours and then be home so it didn’t matter.

We load into the Expedition and we take off.

When we get there, it was a damn maze…how the hell does anyone find labor and delivery at Kaiser Santa Clara without a secret treasure map? After wandering around for a minute we find two white doors. There is no one attending the doors, but they look official and like we shouldn’t go in. A nurse comes out and we ask where the desk is and she shows us. Turns out the non-descript white doors are actually for you to go through because the desk it behind them.

We get checked in and they take us to the observation room. It’s a TINY room with one seriously uncomfortable chair, a bed and some ultrasound equipment. When we get in there, they hook Missy up to heart rate monitors for the girls and a contraction monitor for Missy.

At this point, still not overly concerned.

After about an hour of her being hooked up, the doctor comes back in.

Missy was having a contraction every three minutes. On top of this, her cervix had gone from 3.4cm to 1.8cm in only two weeks time. Not only this, but Missy is now starting to have painful contractions every few minutes.

Now, what is really happening starts to settle in. Missy and I went through so much trying to get here, when she hit 24 weeks, there was a bit of relief because the babies actually have a 50/50 shot at survival. She made it so far and the doctors had been telling her that she was doing really great and that things were progressing so much better than other twin pregnancies they typically see. With all this, I had started to settle into the fact that everything will be OK. Now, at only 25 weeks, here we are with a drastically shorter cervix, 20 contractions an hour (far above the acceptable 6 an hour) and the very real possibility that our girls might be born 11 weeks premature. I can’t even begin to describe the feeling that sets in. The best way I’ve been able to describe it to myself is that it was incredibly similar to the moment I walked into the ER and my step-mom told me that dad had a heart attack and didn’t make it. It’s a feeling of uncertainty, one that says life will never be the same if this happens. It’s an indescribably loss of control.

I can’t outwardly show that I’m scared though. Missy is being poked and prodded by the biggest needles I’ve ever seen in my life. There are beeps going off every few seconds. It’s cold in the room and things are uncertain; she needs me to be the strong one right now.

“Don’t worry babe, I’m sure it’s going to be fine. They deal with this every day and the doc seems hopeful that we can turn this around.”

Do I even believe my own words though? I’m uncertain and feeling my stomach knot up.

They put Missy on an IV to hydrate her.

Right after this, the doctor came into to explain that as confident as they are that they can get things under control, they want to take every precaution and that they are going to give her a steroid that will help boost the development of the lungs and brains of the babies to give them a leg-up if they were to be born in the next few days.

Missy was a champ. The needle for that steroid was like a mini steak knife. I had to try real hard not to get wide eyed and tip her off when I saw it. I failed though, she saw my expression.

About 2am (we got there at 11), they told Missy that they need to continue to monitor her because it takes the medicine that is supposed to stop the contractions a while to kick in if it’s going to work and that they are going to admit her. They needed to keep her until Friday.

Honestly at that point, I was drained, I was 2 hours away from being up for 24 hours straight, the night was an emotional roller coaster, and really my memory of that night honestly stops there. I remember bits and pieces, Missy being rolled into the room. Me pulling out the extra bed, then sleep.

The next two days gradually got better. Contractions began to slow and by Friday were non-existent. The whole stay is really blurry. We didn’t get more than a couple hours of sleep at a time. Doctors where in and out, IV bags needed changing every six hours, machines would blare with beeps, getting up in the middle of the night to hold Missy’s hand while they gave her more shots with massive needles. I joked with the staff that we were on a Club Kaiser Vacation, but it certainly was no vacation.

All in all, things started to go back into place. Cervix at 2.4cm…still not where the doc wants it, but better. No contractions. Friday was discharge day, but it didn’t come without expectations.

Missy is officially off work until the girls come. Also, on quasi bed rest which means not cleaning, no house work, no cooking, nothing. Couch, bed, and a few laps around the house to prevent blood clots. It’s going to be a long 3 months for her! I’m sure she will need visitors. I’m also thinking about renting a wheel chair so we can get her out of the house from time to time and roll her around the mall or target just to get out of the house!

In the end, we’re happy that the doctors were able to patch things up! Hopefully, with Missy stuck at home and trying a million new crafts, I will have some more anecdotal stories for y’all!

To end this on a good note, there was one interaction that Missy couldn’t stop laughing at:

A nurse comes in to the room right before we leave.

Nurse: Hey, I’m Heaven, I’m giving your nurse a quick break. Anything I can get you?

Missy: Can I get some water and a snack?

Nurse: Sure!

The nurses phone rings: This is Heaven, how can I help you?

She carries on a brief conversation and then hangs up.

Hans: Girl, it’s a good thing you work in maternity and not hospice with a phone greeting like that!

More stories to come y’all!

If you know Missy and I, you know that we both have a fairly decent memory, albeit in different ways.

Here is a good example of how I work: You and I might have a conversation about something. I won’t take notes, hell, half the time, you probably think I’m not listening because I’m fidgeting, staring at the wall or am not saying much back. BUT, 6 months later, I can remember the conversation almost word for word. When something peaks my interest, I’ll research it and from that point forward can spout of wealth of what most would consider useless info. However, ask me to bring a bottle of wine to dinner, and chances are, I’ll forget. I’ll grab it and walk out the door. Once out the door, I’ll remember that I forgot my wallet and walk into the house, set the wine on dryer and grab my wallet. Then, flustered from forgetting something, I’ll walk right out the door, right past the wine, without the actually grabbing wine. This, last examples happens ALL the time. The people at Safeway probably know me as the guy who forgets his wallet all the time and has to have them store his cart in the refrigerator while he runs home to get it.

Now, here is how Missy works: She will remember very detailed things. She will remember the wine for dinner. She always asks if I have the keys and my wallet when we walk out together. She will have a list and attach it systematically forgetting nothing. BUT, ask her to recall a conversation you had two days ago and you’ll often get a response like “I think I remember that” or “not what you say that, I’m pretty sure I remember that,” or, sometimes you’ll get a “we did not have this conversation!” (even though you did!).

It’s the perfect balance. Together, our memory is unstoppable! Like most of our personality traits, we balance each other exceptionally well here. Well, time to fly the upside down flag here friends because this pregnancy brain thing you hear about….it’s real! For those that haven’t heard, “pregnancy brain” essentially just means that you are extra forgetful. You can’t find things, you forget things, you often forget why you walked into a room. It essentially makes it seem like because you are pregnant, you have early onset Alzheimer’s. There is actually a WebMD article about it!

http://www.webmd.com/baby/features/memory_lapse_it_may_be_pregnancy_brain

Turns out that sleep deprivation, stress and multitasking combined with a bunch of extra estrogen and progesterone in the brain and you tend to forget things you otherwise would remember. In the last couple weeks between the two of us, we’ve lost both iPads (recently found), my name tag for work, Missy has walked off with my keys in the morning (in addition to her own), Missy wore her shirt completely backwards all day, and the list goes on.

I fear for when the girls are born and we are both massively sleep deprived, it’s going to be messy. Sometime between now and birth, I’ve gotta figure out how to account for it. I don’t want to be “those parents” who always seem disorganized, messy, late (ok, this might be unrealistic because it’s a fight to keep up on time without kids), etc…I want to have it together and be presentable. I know there is a way to do it. I see families do it often…hell, I saw parents of a set of toddler twins doing it when we were in Santa Barbara! It can be done, I must figure out how!

Until then, people will just have to have grace until we get a system down for both of us being forgetful about small things!

Ah, winter break. The promise land of working in education! Screw summer vacation. I mean, it’s great and all, but winter break comes at a time of year when you are about to lose it. From August to December, it is an all-out sprint in the education world. Training your kids, assessing their needs, making a game plan, engaging parents (in my case, replace the word kids with Corps Members)…seriously, make jokes about how easy education is…you are liable to get slapped in the face.

As most of you know, I am no longer in the classroom. Long ago were the days that I taught 6th graders how to add fractions, but I still work in the education field and Missy is in the class room kicking ass at teaching 1st graders how to read and count to 120. My summers are CRAZY, yes, it is worthy of all caps. I go non-stop from July 1 – Oct 30 every year. This means, when Missy is “off” (I use quotes because she always works over summer to pay for something fun like refurnishing the whole house) I am working 60+ hour weeks. This leaves Winter Break. It is the only two weeks every year that I just simply walk away from work, drop everything I am doing, take my work email off my phone and tell people that someone better be dead or a building better have burned down if they call me. It’s the one time a year where Missy and I just spend uninterrupted time together and with family for more than 3 or 4 days at a time.

We always have a great time. Christmas shopping together, baking, having dinner together and on time every night, enjoying drinks and laughter with friends, it’s honestly my favorite time of year! In the 11 New Years’ we’ve spent together, we’ve only ever been in the same City twice. We like to get up and go places, Vegas, Phoenix, Disneyland, Tahoe…you name, we’ll go for New Years. This year, we decided to load up the car, drop the dogs off at her parents and go to Santa Barbara (you know you’re getting old when…). It was great. I love road trips. Whether it is in the car or on the Harley, I just want to go places. I have always loved to go places. And, I like to go places fast. Forget stopping, forget pit stops, let’s just get there! There was once a time I locked the door at my apartment on Christmas Eve in San Diego and was unlocking my Dad and Pam’s door in Milpitas at 6 am. Radar detector up and 85-90 the whole way home with only one stop to re-fuel and get another Mt. Dew.

Well friends, those days are OVER. Now, before we delve into this little story of our road trip, let me start by saying I COMPLETELY understand Missy, and as sarcastic and joking as my tone may seem, I am always joking with her and she knows it. And, in the few times I’m not, I should be and I’m wrong to not be (yes ladies, I’m admitting I’m wrong. Gentlemen, take notes, because statements like that are how to be an awesome husband.)

When you have a pregnant lady by your side, two simple questions rule everything around you: 1. Where is the bathroom! 2. What are going to eat for [insert meal name here]. Yeah, it’s no joke! These questions are real, and they damn well better be answered within 2 seconds of asking them! Santa Barbara is a short 275 miles away. All in all, with a quick stop to stretch, this should take 4.5 hours to travel to from San Jose. We left the house at 10:30am. We were 30 minutes behind schedule and just wanted to get on the road, so, we skipped the stop at the store to get snacks and water and just figured, eh, we’ll get them on the road. So we take off. We ate breakfast at Starbucks and took off. As we pass through Salinas it had been kind of quiet for a bit in the car. Missy looks over:

Missy: So, I’m kinda afraid of how you’re going to react about this.
Me: Uh…what?
Missy: Now, don’t make fun of me, but what are we going to eat for lunch?
Me: HAHA…holly s—, I thought you were about to tell me something tragic! Why you gotta do that to me.

She was laughing hysterically because she knew what she was doing.

Missy: You always make fun of me for always wanting to know!
Me: Ok, you’re right, I do…I deserve that! Can you make it to Soledad?
Missy: How far?
Me: Only another 20 min.
Missy: Oh, yeah!

But really though, if you’re ever in Soledad, go eat at Mariscos Puerta Angel. They are super friendly and their carne asada tacos are amazing! I used to eat there all the time when I was in town training teachers and doing onsite tech support for Edgenuity.

We stop. We eat. Missy is able to stretch and use the ladies room.

Lesson 1: A pregnant lady can sit for about an hour…90 minutes is pushing it. It took us about 90 min to get there and Missy was hurttin. She was a champ about it though.

We get back in the car and take off. 75 minutes later.
Missy: I need to go again.
Me: Seriously? Already?
Missy: Yes!
Me: OK, can you make it to SLO?
Missy: How far?
Me: 20 min
Missy: Yea

So we make it. Another 20 minutes and we’re pulling off at the Madona Inn exit.

More Starbucks, ladies room, and we’re off!

Not two minutes on the freeway and there is a sign. “Pismo Premium Outlets.”

Missy: ooooh, outlets!

Me (somewhat begrudgingly): What exit?

Missy: Five Cities.

Me: You want to see if there is a Carters don’t you?

So, 15 min later we find ourselves at the outlets. Carters. Coach. The Children’s Place. Nine West. Not one dime spent…bullet dodged.

So, I figure we are sufficiently stretched and ready to roll. 45 min later…

Missy: uh…
Me: Oh. My. God. For real?!? It’s like your bladder knows we are near a city! 15 min to Solvang.

We get to Solvang.

Ladies room. Wander around and check out the windmills, Danish bakeries and the souvenir shops. It’s a pretty cool little town! And, after an hour…back in the car and we are off for the final leg of the trip.

After driving through some pretty crazy little highways through some down pours, we finally arrive the Goodland for our stay! Time you ask? 5:30 PM! Yeah…a 4.5 hour trip turned into a 7 hour trip FAST!

Lesson 2: Who cares if you’re late…NEVER. FORGET. THE. SNACKS.

Missy: Did you find a place to eat yet?

Me: Yeah…there is a restaurants called The Bourbon Room on yelp and it has great reviews. It’s not too far from here.

Missy: Yea, I’m not starving, but time we get a table, I’ll be ready.

We take off from the hotel room after re-gathering our jackets. We take off on the search! This place is not far, but it’s tucked away behind some super divey bar and we miss it on the first pass, so we have to turn around. We get there and there is no parking.

Missy: I’m getting really hungry now

It’s been 15 min since we had the conversation above.

So, we drive a small distance down the street and walk to the restaurant. This takes 5 min. We get there and there is a wait, but, it smells amazing and the food looks crazy good, and they have a wall full of what looks to be great Whiskey (one of my favs). It’s cold, but the mission is now food, so they say they can seat us outside under a heater. Missy is starting to get that crazed look on her face…like Cookie monster took a huge line of coke and can’t find cookies.

Me: Yea, we’ll take it!

They seat us, and not 1 second later, rain.

I don’t even need Missy to say it. We promptly get up and leave. Her hunger situation in 30 minutes has gone from “I could eat” to Defcon 1. The hunt is on…KFC, Taco Bell…it doesn’t really matter, it’s just food time!

We settle on a little Italian place by the hotel. Needless to say, I’d give it 2 stars on yelp…BUT, we eat and all is right in the world again!

(you can see how great it was, Missy only ate the soup and the garlic bread)

Now, I joke and I can at times be inconsiderate in the moment even though I try my headrest not to be! But who can blame her or any other pregnant lady. You try having to pee in the slightest and then having someone sit on your bladder (let alone 2 people sit on it). And, as for the hunger…please. I work out for an hour and I’m ready to destroy an entire pizza by myself. Her body is making hands and toes…HAND AND TOES PEOPLE! From scratch…they didn’t exist and then poof, tiny hands. 50% more blood running through her body…It’s amazing she doesn’t just have an IV of liquid food hooked up all the time, because I’d be asking for that if my body was up to that much work!

So, these two question may rule my life…but rightfully so.

So it has come to my attention that I have been severely slacking on the blog y’all! I know, this is how these things go with me, I start well intentioned and then life happens and I don’t write as often. It’s a shame because I enjoy writing so much! But, have no fear, because here we go!

So, one of the things that has been so hard, is that Missy is making it really difficult to write my typical comical blog. She has been really good: no morning sickness, only a bit of fatigue, really nothing of note. I think someone upstairs knows how hard this whole process was for us and not having all that crap was her reward! But as good as she’d had it, there have a been a couple gems in here:

1.   Strangers will say whatever the hell they want! Seriously, if we just met you and told you Missy is expecting with twins, the proper stranger response should not be “damn, you’re going to get HUGE!” Uh, yes asshole, we know this, no need to let her know. These responses are reserved for family and the closest of friends, only! Take note should you find yourself as the stranger one day.

2.   As a gentleman of large stature, I am no stranger to heartburn. It is a part of life, you know if you eat certain things, the burn will come and you know to expect it. Not only that, but you know to carry the things you need with you! Missy has NEVER had heartburn, but apparently one of the fun side effects of pregnancy is heartburn. Missy first discovered this while we were riding home one night:

Missy: Man, something doesn’t feel right.
Hans: What’s wrong?
Missy: My chest hurts. It’s like there is acid in my throat…kind of like throw-up, but not.
Hans: Oh no! You have heart burn! (I begin to laugh a little maniacally as Missy always gives me a hard time about how much I get it).
Missy: What?!? This is what you deal with all the time?!? This is horrible. ‘
Hans: Don’t even trip. Open the glovebox, there are tums in the back of it.

Now keep in mind, I drive around a good amount for my job. I go from school to school, event to event, meeting to meeting. Not only that, but I HATE being sick. So, I come prepared. In my glove box you will find the following at all times: Tums, Day Quil, Hand Sanitizer, Airborns, mints/gum. IN the trunk you will find Right Guard spray deodorant and static guard for when the slacks get staticky.

Missy opens the glove box: Holly shit, are you running a pharmacy out of your car?!?
Hans: Uh, no, you know I’m always prepared!

3.   This discovery of heart burn as well as lower back has sparked a new game that we play: Fat Guy or Pregnant Lady? A symptom is named, and you have to guess, is it an ailment of a fat guy or a pregnant lady? What we’ve discovered: being pregnant is like living the life of a fat guy for 9 months.
Ok, so these my friends are the vignettes I should have been writing over the last two months. BUT, unfortunately, one City Year Gala, two district contracts, a theory of change seminar and being short staffed a couple people has gotten in the way of that! Now, for the part you’ve been waiting for, what’s in a name?

So, this past weekend, we had a gender reveal party. What is that you ask? It’s a good question because I had no idea what it was prior to Missy mentioning it to me a couple months ago. It went something like this:

Missy: We should do a gender reveal party?
Hans: The hell is a gender reveal party?
Missy: It’s where you have a party and tell everyone the gender of the babies!
Hans: You need to stop watching that 19 kids and counting show so much.

So, after a short amount of discussion, we decided we’d do one since my mom was going to be in town the same week we found out the genders of the babies. This past Saturday, we had some friends and family over for a little dinner, a few drinks, and some holiday cheer. It was really nice. Missy and I don’t have large families, so we’ve spent a lot of time building up an extended family of really amazing friends who have been there for us through this whole process and have been super supportive. We’re lucky to have them and were happy that most of them could make it, and the ones who couldn’t helped wrap the presents that would tell us the gender. Missy and I had her friend Melissa and Melissa’s husband James wrap up outfits that corresponded with the gender of each baby that Missy and I opened in front of the family. Check out the video below:

Yes, you see it right, two girls! Man, it’s about to get real purple up in the Schmitz household! Missy and I are overjoyed and the grandmothers are beside themselves! These are the first grandchildren on my side of the family and they are the first granddaughters on Missy’s side!

So, not only do we know the genders, but Missy and I have been lying to most people and telling them we haven’t been discussing names…but, we have! And, the Schmitz household is excited to welcome Madison Marie and Alexa Louise Schmitz in late April/early May!

Madison (Maddie) and Alexa (Lexi) are names we just love. They don’t necessarily have a particular meaning, except that they both sounds like a boss, which was my main requirement for the names of my children! Marie is Missy’s middle name and also the middle name of a lot of the women on both sides of our families. Louise is my mother’s middle name and has been the middle name of women on her side for something like 5 generations now! We are really excited!