Buy one, get one…on a whole new level!

Hans: Well, that just happened.

Missy: Wait….what?…Is this real?
Hans: I don’t know, it’s always negative, could this be it? Should we get a home test?
Missy: I don’t know…we probably should?
Hans: Yeah, let’s go Target.

So when you get shocking news, you do stupid stuff, right? Because a stick that you pee on is WAY more accurate than a blood test…We were unfortunate victims of this completely backward logic. We started to race to Target on Coleman.

Hans: Yo, Panda Express is there in Coleman Center too, isn’t it?
Missy: Yeah
Hans: The pee stick can wait, we need some Orange Chicken and Chow Mein STAT.
Missy: Sounds good.

This is why we work. I typically have some whimsical, crazy or downright stupid idea and Missy entertains me and lets it play out. In this case, on a scale of whimsical to crazy, Orange Chicken and Chow Mein is a relatively low risk decision and the best one we could make, it was about 6:30p after all.

We ate. It was delicious. At the end, break open the fortune cookies

“Don’t be overly suspicious where it’s not warranted” mine said. WHAT?!? How the hell did Panda Express know what is going on right now!

“Your present plans are going to succeed” read Missy’s. OK Panda Express, you need to stop it! Get out of our heads.

Missy: It’s a sign.
Hans: Oh god, here we go with the signs…
Missy: Just put them in your wallet, we’ll want them!
Hans: Yeah, you’re actually right.

Hmmm, looks like what I said earlier about myself works in the reverse as well. Again, this is why we work.

I digress. To Target! Land of I-can’t-spend-less-than-$100-in-a-visit. Damn you Target and your bountiful selection of beauty supplies, automotive supplies, electronics, home goods, groceries and clothes.

We go for the stick, we walk out with a couple bags full of stuff.

Back to Casa de Schmitz. Good thing Missy had like 8 cups of water at Panda.

Man, so let me tell you, I thought you have to do your business and then wait like 20 minutes. Nope, Missy rolls out of the bathroom like after 1 minute.

Missy: Uh, yeah, it was positive immediately.
Hans: VERY NICE! (insert Borat voice here).

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OK, time for Missy to do MORE blood work to check hormone level and then hit the fertility clinic and let good ‘ol Marion Colombo do the pregnancy confirmation ultrasound.

Quick side note: Marion Colombo is hands down the best infertility nurse at Kaiser Santa Clara. If you too struggle with infertility and have Kaiser, go see her, seriously, do it now.

Fast forward a few weeks. We go to Kaiser and check-in. They do the usual and check Missy vitals, walk us back to the room and tell Missy to change from the waist down. Marion comes in and greets us with a big smile, a congrats and asks if we’re ready to see this kid!

OK, so now the OTHER usual event. Marion pulls out the ultrasound…uh…stick shall we say. I can’t help but giggle every time, it’s seriously the most phallic think you’ve ever seen in your life, and, I have to laugh. I know, what am I, 13? Well actually, when it comes to my humor, pretty much, yeah. I giggle; Missy can’t help to laugh when I laugh every time.

Marion gets to work and fires that ultrasound machine up. Black screen…it seemed like forever until she found a huge dot on the screen.

Marion: There it is! There’s your baby.
Hans: Ahhhh yeeeeaaaa.

Words cannot describe how incredibly amazing it is to see a TINY human forming as you look at the screen. At just a couple weeks, it is taking the shape of a baby. Guys, but for real, it looked like a tiny baby and it is like only 7 weeks at this point. It’s wild, and one of the coolest and most satisfying feelings I have ever had in my life.

Marion: See that, that little flicker, that’s the heart forming.

WHAT?!? The heart? Already? She is blowing my mind. I clearly failed Biology and know nothing about how humans are made. Seriously, a stork drops them off right? There it was, in all it’s glory (yes “it” because we don’t know gender ‘til December) just chillin’ in Missy’s stomach.

Marion: Aaaaaand, there’s your OTHER baby.

Uh, excuse me? Our OTHER baby say you? Wait, that makes two babies…not one. We dropped all this cash for one baby, you know, singular.

Well hell, beggars can’t be choosers, right?

Missy: Uh, Marion, why don’t you look around a little more and make sure that is it.

Marion (breaks out laughing): Don’t worry guys, that’s it.

Whew…bullet dodged, son.

Hans: Oh, two babies huh?
Marions: Yup!

A few seconds of silence.

Hans: Well, shit…HIGH FIVE! (also insert Borat voice for the high five and yes, Missy and I actually high fived while the ultrasound was happening). Doc, you know, Missy and I love a good deal and 2 for 1 is awesome.
Marion: Well, that is certainly what you are getting today.
Hans: SOLD, we’ll take it!

Twins y’all.