Two Questions Rule Everything Around Me

Ah, winter break. The promise land of working in education! Screw summer vacation. I mean, it’s great and all, but winter break comes at a time of year when you are about to lose it. From August to December, it is an all-out sprint in the education world. Training your kids, assessing their needs, making a game plan, engaging parents (in my case, replace the word kids with Corps Members)…seriously, make jokes about how easy education is…you are liable to get slapped in the face.

As most of you know, I am no longer in the classroom. Long ago were the days that I taught 6th graders how to add fractions, but I still work in the education field and Missy is in the class room kicking ass at teaching 1st graders how to read and count to 120. My summers are CRAZY, yes, it is worthy of all caps. I go non-stop from July 1 – Oct 30 every year. This means, when Missy is “off” (I use quotes because she always works over summer to pay for something fun like refurnishing the whole house) I am working 60+ hour weeks. This leaves Winter Break. It is the only two weeks every year that I just simply walk away from work, drop everything I am doing, take my work email off my phone and tell people that someone better be dead or a building better have burned down if they call me. It’s the one time a year where Missy and I just spend uninterrupted time together and with family for more than 3 or 4 days at a time.

We always have a great time. Christmas shopping together, baking, having dinner together and on time every night, enjoying drinks and laughter with friends, it’s honestly my favorite time of year! In the 11 New Years’ we’ve spent together, we’ve only ever been in the same City twice. We like to get up and go places, Vegas, Phoenix, Disneyland, Tahoe…you name, we’ll go for New Years. This year, we decided to load up the car, drop the dogs off at her parents and go to Santa Barbara (you know you’re getting old when…). It was great. I love road trips. Whether it is in the car or on the Harley, I just want to go places. I have always loved to go places. And, I like to go places fast. Forget stopping, forget pit stops, let’s just get there! There was once a time I locked the door at my apartment on Christmas Eve in San Diego and was unlocking my Dad and Pam’s door in Milpitas at 6 am. Radar detector up and 85-90 the whole way home with only one stop to re-fuel and get another Mt. Dew.

Well friends, those days are OVER. Now, before we delve into this little story of our road trip, let me start by saying I COMPLETELY understand Missy, and as sarcastic and joking as my tone may seem, I am always joking with her and she knows it. And, in the few times I’m not, I should be and I’m wrong to not be (yes ladies, I’m admitting I’m wrong. Gentlemen, take notes, because statements like that are how to be an awesome husband.)

When you have a pregnant lady by your side, two simple questions rule everything around you: 1. Where is the bathroom! 2. What are going to eat for [insert meal name here]. Yeah, it’s no joke! These questions are real, and they damn well better be answered within 2 seconds of asking them! Santa Barbara is a short 275 miles away. All in all, with a quick stop to stretch, this should take 4.5 hours to travel to from San Jose. We left the house at 10:30am. We were 30 minutes behind schedule and just wanted to get on the road, so, we skipped the stop at the store to get snacks and water and just figured, eh, we’ll get them on the road. So we take off. We ate breakfast at Starbucks and took off. As we pass through Salinas it had been kind of quiet for a bit in the car. Missy looks over:

Missy: So, I’m kinda afraid of how you’re going to react about this.
Me: Uh…what?
Missy: Now, don’t make fun of me, but what are we going to eat for lunch?
Me: HAHA…holly s—, I thought you were about to tell me something tragic! Why you gotta do that to me.

She was laughing hysterically because she knew what she was doing.

Missy: You always make fun of me for always wanting to know!
Me: Ok, you’re right, I do…I deserve that! Can you make it to Soledad?
Missy: How far?
Me: Only another 20 min.
Missy: Oh, yeah!

But really though, if you’re ever in Soledad, go eat at Mariscos Puerta Angel. They are super friendly and their carne asada tacos are amazing! I used to eat there all the time when I was in town training teachers and doing onsite tech support for Edgenuity.

We stop. We eat. Missy is able to stretch and use the ladies room.

Lesson 1: A pregnant lady can sit for about an hour…90 minutes is pushing it. It took us about 90 min to get there and Missy was hurttin. She was a champ about it though.

We get back in the car and take off. 75 minutes later.
Missy: I need to go again.
Me: Seriously? Already?
Missy: Yes!
Me: OK, can you make it to SLO?
Missy: How far?
Me: 20 min
Missy: Yea

So we make it. Another 20 minutes and we’re pulling off at the Madona Inn exit.

More Starbucks, ladies room, and we’re off!

Not two minutes on the freeway and there is a sign. “Pismo Premium Outlets.”

Missy: ooooh, outlets!

Me (somewhat begrudgingly): What exit?

Missy: Five Cities.

Me: You want to see if there is a Carters don’t you?

So, 15 min later we find ourselves at the outlets. Carters. Coach. The Children’s Place. Nine West. Not one dime spent…bullet dodged.

So, I figure we are sufficiently stretched and ready to roll. 45 min later…

Missy: uh…
Me: Oh. My. God. For real?!? It’s like your bladder knows we are near a city! 15 min to Solvang.

We get to Solvang.

Ladies room. Wander around and check out the windmills, Danish bakeries and the souvenir shops. It’s a pretty cool little town! And, after an hour…back in the car and we are off for the final leg of the trip.

After driving through some pretty crazy little highways through some down pours, we finally arrive the Goodland for our stay! Time you ask? 5:30 PM! Yeah…a 4.5 hour trip turned into a 7 hour trip FAST!

Lesson 2: Who cares if you’re late…NEVER. FORGET. THE. SNACKS.

Missy: Did you find a place to eat yet?

Me: Yeah…there is a restaurants called The Bourbon Room on yelp and it has great reviews. It’s not too far from here.

Missy: Yea, I’m not starving, but time we get a table, I’ll be ready.

We take off from the hotel room after re-gathering our jackets. We take off on the search! This place is not far, but it’s tucked away behind some super divey bar and we miss it on the first pass, so we have to turn around. We get there and there is no parking.

Missy: I’m getting really hungry now

It’s been 15 min since we had the conversation above.

So, we drive a small distance down the street and walk to the restaurant. This takes 5 min. We get there and there is a wait, but, it smells amazing and the food looks crazy good, and they have a wall full of what looks to be great Whiskey (one of my favs). It’s cold, but the mission is now food, so they say they can seat us outside under a heater. Missy is starting to get that crazed look on her face…like Cookie monster took a huge line of coke and can’t find cookies.

Me: Yea, we’ll take it!

They seat us, and not 1 second later, rain.

I don’t even need Missy to say it. We promptly get up and leave. Her hunger situation in 30 minutes has gone from “I could eat” to Defcon 1. The hunt is on…KFC, Taco Bell…it doesn’t really matter, it’s just food time!

We settle on a little Italian place by the hotel. Needless to say, I’d give it 2 stars on yelp…BUT, we eat and all is right in the world again!

(you can see how great it was, Missy only ate the soup and the garlic bread)

Now, I joke and I can at times be inconsiderate in the moment even though I try my headrest not to be! But who can blame her or any other pregnant lady. You try having to pee in the slightest and then having someone sit on your bladder (let alone 2 people sit on it). And, as for the hunger…please. I work out for an hour and I’m ready to destroy an entire pizza by myself. Her body is making hands and toes…HAND AND TOES PEOPLE! From scratch…they didn’t exist and then poof, tiny hands. 50% more blood running through her body…It’s amazing she doesn’t just have an IV of liquid food hooked up all the time, because I’d be asking for that if my body was up to that much work!

So, these two question may rule my life…but rightfully so.